Within The Words

I used to lay awake and write my heart out
I'd pour my heart out
I'd tear my heart out
. .. .. .. ..

With a longing, yearning, burning hung-desire
my heart's desire
my heart on fire
. .. .. .. ..

and melodies of love would fill my head
and endless words of love would fill my bed
and she would sleep beside me peacefully
and I'd wish she'd awaken to know me

but she never read the words
all the songs she never heard
I would leave them everywhere
but it seemed she didn't care

why she never read the words
seemed to me to be absurd
even though I was always there
it seemed my heart could disappear

she stayed out there
she would not share
I was right here
. .. .. .. ..

the intimacies
that make intensities
emotional meaningful lifetimes
where left to live within my rhymes

the passions remained
on the physical planes
and I was left to wonder why
we could communicate like this
but she wouldn't even try

some people are afraid of words I guess
they have other ways to express their happiness
maybe that was all there was to it in the end
in the end
in the end
in the end

why she never read the words
all the songs she never heard
I would leave them everywhere
but it seemed she didn't care

why she never read the words
seemed to me to be absurd
even though I was always there
it seemed my heart could disappear

so I did.

.....

now I live within the words
all the songs you never heard
I still leave them everywhere
for anyone who cares

now I love within the words
and it may seem so absurd
but I was still always there
right now
right here....... .. .... . .......... ......... . ......

Letting Go

I guess I've just got to let go
and if I matter, you'll let me know
it's not a garden I can grow
it's something only you can show
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do
so asking for it doesn't make to real
you've got to show me how you feel
when you feel it in your heart and soul
without my influence or control
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do
I can't be sure of what is real
by asking you how you feel
you've got to do it on your own
so I will leave you alone

it's not that I care any less
I've got to trust you'll figure that out, I guess
I've got to just be patient and kind
and wait for the idea to start in your mind
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do
so if we're going to share again
I can't worry about how or when

I guess I've just got to let go
and if I matter, you'll let me know
it's not a garden I can grow
it's something only you can show
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do

I can't be sure of what is real
by asking you how you feel
you've got to do it on your own
so I will leave you alone

it's not that I care any less
I've got to trust you'll figure that out, I guess
I've got to just be patient and kind
and wait for the idea to start in your mind
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do
so if we're going to share again
I can't worry about how or when

so this is why I'm letting go
and if I matter, you'll let me know
it's not a garden I can grow
it's something only you can show
when you want to
not when I want you to
not when I might need you
you do what you want to do

so this is why I'm letting go
and if I matter, you'll let me know
it's not a garden I can grow
it's something only you can show

Completely Open Honesty

It feels so much better when I find the words and let them out.
It relieves all the pressure Of confusion and fear or doubt.
I don’t have to wonder why or what’s going on.
I can understand what is here and what is gone.

I know it’s my choice to be so alone.
I won’t compromise my love or ideals.
I am better off and do well on my own.
And I can come to except how the loneliness feels.

It’s better than pretending that pretending is OK.
It’s better than the hypocrisy that is the norm today.
It’s better than pretending that life of fear is here to stay.
Until someone loves honestly I will go on my own way.
Completely open honest love is the only game I’ll play.

It’s not that I’m any better than anyone else
It’s just that I won’t hide in some book on the shelf
I will accept that It’s OK to hurt somebody else
I won’t pretend that responsibility for my life
belongs to anyone but myself

So you can fight your battles and glorify your war
If you ask me why I don’t that’s not what I’m here for
I live my life to love and care and share all that I can
And if that leaves me with nothing then that was my plan

For what you may see as nothing means everything to me
It’s living a life made of love and being all that I can be
I hope someday you’ll understand... I hope someday you’ll see
completely open honesty is my security
survival of our species is the reality
that I live for and will get there When we set ourselves free
from the fear that clouds the mind and forms insanity
that justifies anything less than completely open honesty

It’s not that I’m any different than anybody else
I just will not seek my answers and books up on the shelf
I will not except that it’s OK to hurt somebody
I take responsibility for me upon myself

Sad Email

I check my email
and nothing's there
not many have it
not many care

When someone responds
I want to cheer
it's a sad email
when nothing's there

I check my voicemail
and nothing's there
and many have it
not many care

When someone calls me
I want to cheer
it's a sad voicemail
when nothing's there

Fourty-two followers on my Twitter feed
Fourty-two must not be online when I need
Two thousand friends on Facebook and no likes when I post
that's a sad and lonely Facebook to read
indeed



Maybe I'll finish this another time
for now I'll let myself fall asleep
Maybe it doesn't matter that I make it rhyme

Open The Doors

I know I reach out to you a lot more than you have time for
I hope you don't mind or feel in any way put off
I live a lonely life in this world because I always ask for more
and it is rare that I find a person as kind as you are

I want people to care about each other more than they do
I want us all to share this world in peace and comfort
Competition can be fun but not at the point of a gun
We can overcome our fears when we decide to love more

Open the doors
let the love in
don't be afraid
hate will not win
if we just remember we all feel better when we care
we can overcome the fear and learn to share

I know I want to trust in a world of suspicion
I hope you don't ind or feel n any way put off
My motive is simply to bring a little joy into to this world
I think you are a lot like me, in fact I am sure

We want people to care about each other more than they do
We want everyone to share this world in peace and comfort
Competition can be fun but not at the point of a gun
We can overcome our fears when we decide to love more

Open the doors
let the love in
don't be afraid
hate will not win
if we just remember we all feel better when we care
we can overcome the fear and learn to share

security is found in honesty
honesty sets us free
fear is a cage of agony
just don't let it be
open your heart
open your mind
do all you can
to be good and kind
that is the way to peace and happiness
nurture the garden, clean up the mess

I know I am a dreamer from a time of innocence
I hope you don't ind or feel n any way put off
I live a lonely life in this world because I resist delusions
I stand for truth, let the lies be gone
my hope for humanity is my greatest strength
and it's always on

We want people to care about each other more than they do
We want everyone to share this world in peace and comfort
Competition can be fun but not at the point of a gun
We can overcome our fears when we decide to love more

Open the doors
let the love in
don't be afraid
hate will not win
if we just remember we all feel better when we care
we can overcome the fear and learn to share

maybe things have not always gone
the way we had them planned
but keep believing we shall overcome
and someday we'll all understand :)

Taking a Break (Again)

I guess we're taking a break again
I hope it wasn't anything I did or said
you asked for a favor this weekend and I gave it
and since them there's been that awkward silence
that comes when you are pulling away
I don't know what to do or say

I guess we're drifting apart again
and later you will tell me it's all in my head
when you need a favor you'll be back in touch
and until then I'll wonder why the sharing stops
as suddenly as it does...
maybe the answer to why is just because

You don't help me find what I need
You don't care to know if I bleed
You don't want to know about me
so why do I want you to be
my family?

Is it all the time and energy
I invested in you
Is it all the love and money
I gave to you
Is it all the different parts of me
I trusted to you
When you needed me
I was there for you
all I want
is for you to be there for me too

But I guess we're taking a break again
I hope it wasn't anything I did or said
I give you anything you ask when you want it
and then I don't hear from your for a week or more
in these times when you are pulling away
I don't know what to do or say

I guess we're drifting apart again
should I believe it's all in my head?
when you need somrthing you'll be back in touch
and until then I'll wonder why the sharing stops
as suddenly as it does...
maybe the answer to why is just because

Obsessed

It's not that I'm obsessed
I just have no one to talk to
I have been betrayed so much
I don't know who to trust
It doesn't really matter
no one come close anyway
maybe invisible walls
the way I look
or the things I say

I'm just alone
and I still want to share
so I come here to write
cuz I know you care

even though you don't have time
to be as close as we once were
you were once my best friend
and I still remember her
even if it was a dream
all made up inside my head
it is just something I do
and likely will until I'm dead

It's not that I'm obsessed
I just have so much to share
and no one to share it with
so I just keep coming here
lost within these words I write
somehow I can find myself
even if it is a life
lived completely on a shelf

if its all inside my head
it is still the way I feel
and here in the words I write
I can somehow make it real

It's not that I'm obsessed
it is time that I confessed

I'm just alone
and I still want to share
so I come here to write
cuz I know you care

So Lonely

Will I die this alone
will I never find the friend
who stays on her own
someone on whom I can really depend
who do you depend on
who can you call in the middle of the night
who helps you carry on
who will always read every word you write
what is this life about
a long and lonely run
a quest for success
a lot of empty fun
we all are born alone
wide open hearts and minds
some go out in the world
some close their doors and blinds
some like to be alone
at leas that's what they say
but all I know is what I want most
is for this loneliness to go away

so lonely
so lonely I can't sleep at night
so lonely
so lonely this can't be right
so lonely
so lonely it makes me blind
so lonely
so lonely I'm losing my mind
losing my mind
losing my mind
losing my mind

Will I die this alone?
will I slip into madness alone
will I lay in some nursing home
wasting away alone

so lonely

Would You Care If You knew

Would you care if you knew I would give everything to you
I live only for our happiness
Every living thing breaths the same air we all receive
So why are so many concerned with manliness

do you want to know
how to make love grow
open your whole heart
this is how we start
to share everything
beyond worshipping
open your whole heart
and you become a part
of everything

then you can see
how to be free
seriously
happy
happy

I would give anything to help you see
this truth is the way to be
I would give everything to set you free
but it is up to you to do... not me

it all becomes so clear
when you overcome fear
and open your whole heart
and become a part
of everything

sometimes I despair
cuz i don't belong here
Don't give up, I still want to believe there is a place for us, somewhere in this world there is a place for me where I will not be used and abused and discarded and abandoned and somewhere there's a place where I belong and most of all, someone with whom I belong...



Would you care if you knew all the songs you never heard
I would die to give us peace
Every living thing love so much they look for it above
so would it be so caprice
to share it here and now
do you want to know how

open your whole heart
this is how we start
to share everything
beyond worshipping
open your whole heart
and you become a part
of everything

then you can see
how to be free
seriously
happy
happy

I would give anything to help you see
this truth is the way to be
I would give everything to set you free
but it is up to up to do... not me

it all becomes so clear
when you overcome fear
and open your whole heart
and become a part
of everything

I would die to help you see
this truth is the way to be
I would die to set you free
but it is up to you... not me
it's up to you.. to be

Afraid of Me

are you afraid of me?
can we share honesty?
is it just you or me
that keeps us from intimacy?
I don't mean sexually
I mean emotionally
we've been so close to each other,
sister, am I not your brother?

maybe you just learned
and being close has burned
so better to keep away
from the secrets you won't say
but don't you know I hear you
can't you see that is true
when you dare just look into my eyes
how can you not realize

I love you unconditionally
you can share anything in you with me
yet you hold back so much in secrecy
I just want to know are you afraid of me?

do you know that I already see?
(through every veil that hides your secrecy)
is that why, maybe, you are afraid of me?
I wish I hope you're not afraid of me

I Want To Believe

I want to start again
I want to believe
against all evidence and
experience I receive
I want to believe
I want to believe

If someone would just be kind enough
to show me
show me
show me

I want to believe in love
I want to believe we're not alone
I want to believe in human beings
life can't be just a combat zone

I want to believe in trust
I want to believe in you and me
I want to believe we can survive
and share peaceful reality

it's just not there when I look around
I see how you put each other down
I want no part of your competition
I want no part of your suspicion
I want no part of your conditions
or the fears in which you drown
I don't understand
you don't understand
so I'll just play the clown
and you can wear the crown

I live in a giddy euphoria in my mind
a hopelessly hopeful romantic kind
you can tell me that I'm falling down
maybe you are blind
we all see what we want to see
What we want to find
I want to see someone being kind

someone who doesn't betray
the words they said
someone who wants me to stay
inside their head
remember
the promises made
are not just words
they're plans we made
don't leave me waiting
trying to believe in you
remember your words
show me they are true

I want to start again
I want to believe
against all evidence and
experience I receive
I want to believe
I want to believe

If someone would just be kind enough
to show me
show me
show me

I want to believe in love
I want to believe we're not alone
I want to believe in human beings
life can't be just a combat zone

I want to believe in trust
I want to believe in you and me
I want to believe we can survive
and share peaceful reality

If someone would just be kind enough
to show me
show me
show me

I want to believe

Just Want You To Know

do you ever miss me
just before bed
just as the pillow
cradles your head
during those moments
we would say nite nite
just to know we were alright

do you ever miss me
waking alone
rushing to face
the world on your own
during those moments
we would say good day
just to know we were ok

now we are older
the world feels colder
lovers and friends come and go

we need to be bolder
still I miss your shoulder
I just wanted you to know

in quiet moments
I miss your smile
the simple hug
hello, goodbye
life is so busy
just want to tell you
I meant see ya
not goodbye

do you ever miss me
just before bed
just as the pillow
cradles your head
when we used to text
nite nite love you
just want you to know... I do

nite nite... love you.

Song For a Best Friend (Afraid of Death)

If I was dying
would you want me to let you know?
should I call or send a text
maybe email would be best
or would you rather I just silently go?

My wish would be to say I love you one last time
but the last thing I want to do is make you cry
so I wonder if it might be better
if I just wrote a farewell letter
and let someone else tell you after I'm gone

I know your fears
I know your tears
I know your strengths and weaknesses
we've be close for many years

almost like brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers
the heart makes people family
I want you to be happy, secure, and at peace
In this case I wonder what you want from me

If these were the last words I could speak in this life
would you want me send some of them to you?
should I call or send a text
maybe email would be best
or would you rather if you never knew?

My wish would be to say I love you one last time
but the last thing I want to do is make you cry
so I wonder if it might be better
if I just wrote a farewell letter
and let someone else say my last goodbye

I know you're torn
I know you're worn
I know life hasn't been easy
and you hide from grief or scorn

I know your pain, confusion, anxiety, illusion
I know how much death and goodbyes cut you like a knife
but (in this case) I have just one shot at the right decision (in this case)
would you rather avoid the final moments of my life?

If I was leaving this existence
and these were my last words
then I hope you accept these few
and know they are true...

please live your life the way you want to
may you know peace and happiness
and if it helps to know, then know I love you

I hope this was the right thing to do

Whateverland

There was a place I used to go, we called it Neverland
Somehow in spite of all it's flaws, we called it Wonderland
As years go by and people stop caring we take this stand
To accept they have drifted off into Whateverland

You can forgive without trusting again
You can still love and care and be a friend
You can still be there when they call
You may even still give your all
even as belief in them must end
even if they are no more a friend

Give to them Whateverland
So your heart can remain open and free
unencumbered by conditional love
you can be all you can be
Give to them their Neverland
So they can shirk responsibility
you do not have to be like them
you can live in honesty

And they are always welcome to join you there
if they really want to care and not just be cared about
and they can always learn to become aware
if they really want to know what life is really all about
And they will always know love lies in your heart
and they will always be welcome to it
because that is how you love and who you are
you say it and you do it

And they are always welcome
to do it too.

They live in Whateverland
So they do not have to face reality
unaware of unconditional love
they limit their cabability
They live in their Neverland
of pretense and hypocrisy
you do not have to be like them
you can live in honesty

You can forgive without trusting again
You can still love and care and be a friend
You can still be there when they call
You may even still give your all
even as belief in them must end
even if they are no more a friend

Give to them Whateverland
So your heart can remain open and free
unencumbered by conditional love
you can be all you can be
Give to them their Neverland
So they can shirk responsibility
you do not have to be like them
you can live in honesty

And they are always welcome to join you there
if they really want to care and not just be cared about
and they can always learn to become aware
if they really want to know what life is really all about
And they will always know love lies in your heart
and they will always be welcome to it
because that is how you love and who you are
you say it and you do it

And they are always welcome
to do it too.

Happy Child

I was a silly happy child inside but so few knew
I was told to obey the rules
I didn't have a clue

I'd frown and they would caution me for not closing my eyes
and following along with the games
that they thought were wise

they used to tell me I had no common sense
I think they were talking about money
seems kind of funny

that we live in a world where dollars define success
I think they were confused when they set up
this modern cultural mess

what matters more than what we have
is who we care about
and who cares about us
it's not hard to figure out
what is wrong with this world today
is we are chasing our tails
competing for a the power trip
wondering why it fails

when all we have is fancy stuff
and still feel so alone
maybe someone will remind us
what we have always known

a child is born with the most important thing of all
the will to learn, to trust, to share
and to get up when they fall

What we knew then we still know now but fear gets in the way
we don't need all their common sense
to succeed every day

just trust yourself to share yourself in every game you play
and trust the people who share themselves
thse true to what they say

I hope I can remember this when I am old and gray
hey wait a minute, what happened?
that seems to be today.

As long as we can be honest and still laugh at ourselves
Then we succeeded in our lives
our stories fill our shelves

with memories of every kind, the highs, the lows, the strife,
the times we shared with those who cared
are the best times of our life

I wrote this to remind myself and I have no defense
If I am wrong, I'll be alright
this is my common sense

this is my simple treasure that is all I need to be
a success in my heart and mind
and yes, I'm still happy.

Kiss

Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives

it could be a peck on the cheek
a simple closeness we might never speak
it could be just blown in the wind
a distance closeness to remember where we've been

it could be a deep dark abyss
where emotions simmer like lava ready to erupt at any time
it could be the heavenly bliss
where happy ever after beings the final rhyme

it could be even more than this
for everything we want and miss
lives in a kiss

There is no end to what it takes or what it gives
Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives

And maybe that is why so many fear the touch
lips are so sensitive, lips can feel so much
and maybe that is why so many eat or cry or live a lie
hiding what they miss without the kiss - letting love die

There is no end to what it takes or what it gives
Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives
Kiss is where love lives

Family

This one is in progress. It needs to be pure unconditional love and as painless as possible. It is intended to help someone see they do not live up to their own words or ideals and that is why they are sometimes very confused, anxious, and lost within themselves.

Until you face reality and see the things you do... your promises and best intentions will not save you... until you rise above your fears and make your own words true... you'll only find more apprehensions when you look inside you... you'll only find more anxious self-doubts - until you make your words true... you'll only repeat the same mistakes - as if they're something new.

Until you face reality
and face the things you do
your promises and best intentions
will not save you.

Until you rise above your fears
and make your own words true
you'll only find more apprehensions
when you look inside you.
you'll only find more anxious self-doubts
until you make your words true
you'll only repeat the same mistakes
as if they're something new.

no matter what happens
no matter what you do
I want you to be the best you can be
nothing changes what is true

I want the best for you


when I was thinking suicidal thoughts
you were nowhere around
when I called out to you for help
you just ignored the sound

when I was ready to give up
I had to reassure myself
so please don't act surprised that you
are not on my top shelf

maybe we were never friends
no less sister and brother
maybe the truth we need to face
is we just used each other

anytime you needed me
you always had safe space
this past year I needed you
and you just hid your face

you always called me BFF
but what did that mean?
you don't even act like a friend
tell me, where have you been?

but you still have my promise
to always be there for you
for you are my family
and my words are true

get over any guilt you feel
and cut through all the shame
this is not about hurting now
this is not about blame

this is simply facing truth
a reality check
I'll always be there for you
even when I am a wreck

the only change you'll see from me
when you knock on my door
is I might be a little sad
cuz I can't trust you anymore

I'll pick myself up by myself
I'll be fine on my own
you are still always welcome here
so never feel alone

just don't pretend that we are friends
I am your family
and no matter what happens now
you will always have me

you never need to feel alone
you will always have me
if you are ever on your own
you will always have me
for that is family
and we are family
yea we are family

I will always tell you the truth
even if you lie to me
I will always be there for you
for we are family



Until you face reality
accept the things you do
your promises and best intentions
will mean nothing to you

Until you rise above your fears
and make your own words true
you'll only find more apprehensions
when you look inside you.

You'll only find more anxiety
until you make your words true
you'll only repeat the same self-doubts
as if they're something new.


no matter what happens
no matter what you do
I want you to be the best you can be
nothing changes what is true

I want the best for you

we are what we do

How many time did we sit together
making promises to each other
How many times I called you my sister
and you called me your brother

How many times did we test our trust
and promise to always be there
Now I know I should not have believed it
when you said you'd care

And you still say you care
but you don't do it
you've broken your promise
I see right through it
Now I wonder if
you always knew it
that you would not follow through
oh don't you know
we are not what we say
we are what we do

I remember that day we sat in the car
I had a big decision to make
it depended on you doing something for me
and you knew my heart would break
if you didn't follow through on your committment
but you looked at me and promised you would
now I am falling down because you didn't do it
and we both know you could

And you still say you care
but you don't do it
you've broken your promise
I see right through it
Now I wonder if
you always knew it
that you would not follow through
oh don't you know
we are not what we say
we are what we do

Now I am letting go
I the trust we used to know
it hurts so much to feel
that it was never real

Oh, the letting go
is the hardest thing to show
but if I hide it anymore
it will be just like before

and I don't want to pretend
that you are my friend
it hurts more to pretend
than to face the end

I can no longer depend
on you to be a friend
I have to face the end
to get past the end
to move past the end
I am moving past the end

And I know this hurts and I know you'll cry
but I know it's better to say goodbye
than continue pretending this lie
is something we can depend on

And I you won't believe it's true
but this hurts me more than it hurts you
it's not what we say, we are what we do
so that is the line we should end on

unless... the chance to mend
is never really gone


Oh you still say you care
but you don't do it
you're still breaking your promise
I see right through it
Now I wonder if
you always knew it
that you would not follow through
oh don't you know
we are not what we say
we are what we do
we are what we do
we are what we do

Losing A BFF (something like death)

what is a BFF?
an emotional breath
what is a true friend?
unconditional love without an end

what is the world's worst crime?
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time

.

a decade devoted to a BFF
and poof, and she's gone
I really don't matter

dare I ask out loud
when was the last time she asked how I was?
when was the last time she cared to listen to me?

the answer it triggers her guilt
so she avoids me
the answer triggers her shame
so she avoids me

careful, walk on eggshells around her
she might snap at any moment and cut herself
careful, she can't handle the truth
be the strong one and let her go
back to her shelf

so what if I am haunted
still wanting to believe
in the good intentions
of her heart - is faith done?

so what if I am depressed
by betrayal and fatigue
left for dead to die alone
abandonment never killed anyone

instead of feeling appreciation
she feels guilt
instead of showing appreciation
she avoids me

she does not ignore me
but she abandons me

and her avoiding me just brings me back to
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time

to care about someone
to give all you can
to take care of them
to be there for them - anytime

has it always been this way?
has she always avoided me?
have I fooled myself for years thinking she cared about me?

she called me BFF

was sharing and caring all just an accident of proximity?
a convenience of her needing a place to live
and financial support?

current evidence would answer yes
is there any evidence that would answer no?
am I blind to it?

who cares?

silence...

she might hurt herself
she feels so bad
avoiding self-loathing
to not feel sad
she does not feel
so please don't remind her
her guilt and shame
doesn't want you to find her

silence...

what is a BFF?
an emotional breath
what is a true friend?
unconditional love without an end

what is the world's worst crime?
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time
worrying that it's wasted time

losing a BFF
is something like death
something like death
something like death
something like death

Classical Truth

It was an early morning sunrise and the blog just opened up
and the words poured out like melting ice overflowing a cup
and the writer was avoiding the dream of reaching for more
and the audience was silent not sure what they were there for
and that hurt them all right to the fragile core

break through the ice now Mona Lisa
don't let Da Vinci win again
cast off your stony stare Medussa
wake to the power of the pen

I know you hear me
dear sleeping child
I know you feel me
in dreams so wild
they almost scare you
but you are wise
for you know trust and that dares you to use your eyes
and you see truth where it is found
within your mind,
within your heart,
within your thighs

it was a deep and dark December when the writer first began
to heal and somehow survive was the first and only plan
to understand the madness of denial and betrayal
stand and deliver now is truth that all we did was fail?

break through the doubt now lonely Vincent
don't lose your head or ear again
cast off your thorny crown now Jesus
wake to the power of the pen

I know you hear me
dear magic bean
I know you feel me
in sights unseen
they almost scare you
but you are wise
for you know trust and that dares you to use your eyes
and you see truth where it is found
within your mind,
within your heart,
within your thighs...

and you know peace
within your smile
and silent sighs.